Happy Blog Against Heteronormativity Day!

Nubian, at Blackademic, has declared that it’s “Blog Against Heteronormativity Day.”

What can I say… I’m not very heteronormative, no one around me seems to mind, and I’m super happy! People tend to assume I’m a lesbian, and then they find out I have a husband and it blows their mind a little. Then they may or may not find out that my life is more complicated. I’m a little bit butchy, Rook is a little bit femmy, and my girlfriend is definitely femmy. Moomin is too young to have any sort of normative anything.

Honestly it’s not all that big of a deal. People make assumptions all the time and then find out they’re wrong. Sometimes it worries me and sometimes it doesn’t at all. It certainly helps to live in California and in the Bay Area, where it’s pretty normal not to be heteronormative and (almost) no one’s going to lynch you for it.

There’s moments when I feel guilty for the times that I pass as straight…but sometimes I do.

That’s it, I think!

Oh, that’s not it. (Of course.) I think sometimes my close friends might be the ones who get the blowback. What I mean is: other people assume my friends are also non-heteronormative, i.e. queer as hell, because they hang out with me. So whatever risk there is to take in being that way, they sign up to take it too, in a way, just by hanging out. I think that should have some acknowledgement and thanks.

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6 Responses to Happy Blog Against Heteronormativity Day!

  1. nubian says:

    i miss the bay area–dammit!awesome photograph, thank you for participating

  2. Liz says:

    Wow, nubian! that was so fast of a comment I almost had a heart attack!8-)

  3. Jo says:

    It's not like any of your friends are exactly "normative" on any level. I mean, I can understand that you feel you've surpassed us all in Radicalness (because, well, I don't go to dungeons or have a girlfriend in addition to my husband, so you're right) but certainly I don't think I'm trying to "pass" in suburbia at all. Most of my life I've been Other, perhaps in different ways than you. I'm trying to sound more friendly! I just wanted to make a point that the badass moms are far from suburban-normative.

  4. badgermama says:

    I totally agree, Jo, and that was kind of my point! I'm just slightly more visible or obnoxious about it and so I sometimes worry that I tar y'all with my brush, to whatever extent that negative blowback is possible. For example a couple of years ago there were delicate and nervous inquiries about your-and-my 'close friendship' from mom club and nursery school people! At Moomin's school sometimes at first I was really worried no one would talk to me, and then Scarlett (so very preppy) would come up to me and chat. This made me feel strangely glad that the prom queen signaled her blessings upon the geek freak. Consider my life in Hellvine and how, even here, before I met y'all and you accepted me into your folds (*cough*) other moms would smile in a brittle manner and cross the street when I approached, and were mean on the playgrounds…. etc.I was trying to express gratefulness for the friendships that I haven't always had in my life… not to position myself as Superior In Radicalness.

  5. badgermama says:

    Besides, Jo, you're one of the queerest straight girls ever, reading all that kristeva and irigaray and stuff. And isn't your hair a funny color right now?Let me repeat, I'm the last person to be all queerer than thou, since I have and enjoy quite a lot of heterosexual AND heteronormative privilege!

  6. Jo says:

    Heh. Yeah, I had a mohawk back when you could get beaten up for them! I'm trying to knit a hat. It's really fucking difficult.