Found under the futon

toys under the couch
Originally uploaded by Liz Henry.

This was so awesome I can’t resist. Newly crawling baby + unbabyproofed environment! I totally remember that phase when Moomin went from blobular to grub-like and wiggling and then all at once to competent crawling around the house. For a while we could still fence him in with pillows, and then he learned to climb, and we were doomed, and I had to overcome the habits of a lifetime, and learn not to leave loose change or paperclips or pens or crack pipes on the living room floor.

So, we hit the baby-inappropriate jackpot under my friends’ futon yesterday. Gilbert was sitting on the floor as the baby kicked around, picking stuff up and chewing it with enormous streams of drool spinning off from its cute, smiley, slime-covered face. (I used to think babies were gross. They’re still gross, but now they’re also cute, like maggots or diagrams of paramecia.) Anyway, Gilbert suddenly dove under the couch and came up with a bottle. “GIN! Good chew toy, mmmm.” We all cracked up and began to discuss childproofing. Then he dove down under there again. “What the…. PILLS!” I didn’t look what kind of pills but this had us all laughing even harder. “WAIT…. wait for it…” and he dove under again like he was bringing up treasure from a shipwreck. “RAZOR BLADES!”

Jackpot… totally.

Then we sat around reading the Bunny Suicide books.

I was reminded of a time many years ago when some next-door kids were hanging out at my house. There were a bunch of people over for a games party or something – I don’t remember exactly. The 10 year old dove under the living room futon, where I slept. “Hey look!” she said cheerfully, upon surfacing, waving an object that made me blush up to my 6th chakra. “A rubber dingy-dong! If you had a boyfriend, you wouldn’t have to use this!”

I challenge you all to blog the most hideous thing ever that a child has found on the floor or under a bed.

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6 Responses to Found under the futon

  1. elswhere says:

    I can't think of anything off the top of my head. But we did once have a miscommunication/carseat-transfer incident which ended with me driving baby MG all over town before I realized that her carseat wasn't strapped into the car in any way.

  2. minnie says:

    my worst moment was the time that dad lay down on my bed with his head on my pillow and i realized that my huge hitachi magic wand was under there.h

  3. Mom101 says:

    I mentioned it about a year ago in the first paragraph here, but it was pretty interesting seeing my six month old with a condom wrapper in her hands the morning after Valentines day. Oh, and of course the vibrator – but that's another story.

  4. Robyn says:

    So my most embarassing moment of this sort (yes, I have many an embarassing moments that are related to parenthood) was when my 2.5 year old son walked in on me using a tampon. Then the next month, we were at the store and I was putting a box in the cart to replenish my supply when my son loudly said "That goes in your butt, momma. You put that in your butt." Gave all the women on the aisle a hearty laugh.

  5. barefoot mama says:

    the joint on the nightstand. she was so inquisitive. i tried to think fast, and failed. so i said, "hmmm, let's go watch Aladdin!" gotta work with toddler short-term memory, not against it.

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