A good Father’s Day present: The Daddy Shift

Hey! My friend Jeremy from Daddy Dialectic wrote a book, The Daddy Shift! I’m buying it as a Father’s Day present. Wow, it’s good! I can tell even without having read it, because part of the book is an interview of my brother-in-law talking about his family and his approach to parenthood.

They range from working class to affluent, and they are black, white, Asian, and Latino. We meet Chien, who came to Kansas City as a refugee from the Vietnam War and today takes care of a growing family; Kent, a midwestern dad who nursed his son through life-threatening disabilities (and Kent’s wife, Misun, who has never doubted for a moment that breadwinning is the best thing she can do for her family); Ta-Nehisi, a writer in Harlem who sees involved fatherhood as “the ultimate service to black people”; Michael, a gay stay-at-home dad in Oakland who enjoys a profoundly loving and egalitarian partnership with his husband; and many others. Through their stories, we discover that as America has evolved and diversified, so has fatherhood.

“Kent” is the pseudonym for my brother-in-law, who is geekily obsessed with Legos, used to fix and tune harps for a living, can gut a house and rebuild it slowly and CORRECTLY, and who for many years of his son’s life was the dad who carried around a bajillion pound suctioning device to keep my nephew’s trach clear so he could breath. There was suctioning, I swear, like every 20 minutes. My awesome, cute nephew talked in sign and used to call me (in sign) “Auntie Lifting Truck” because it sounded like “Liz”. His trach is out now and so he talks as well as signs.

But that’s off the point. If you want to read what my brother-in-law has to say about being a stay at home dad, and parenting a kid with some health difficulties and physical impairments, go read the Daddy Dialectic blog a little bit so you see what a kick ass writer Jeremey is, and then buy his book. 😎

Rook has stayed at home for a while now, by the way. Did I mention that on this blog? He quit his job last year, just feeling that he’d had enough of being a software engineer after 8 years of it. I brought home the paycheck, we figured we didn’t need to be super rich with two incomes, he could use a break, and he wanted to investigate and apply to schools. So now he’s going to go to Stanford to get a teaching credential for high school science and physics teaching. Maybe it’s not the best time in the world to try to get a teaching job. We both figure we don’t care and everything will be okay. Meanwhile Rook has volunteered in Moomin’s classroom doing a special math program, gone to a lot of his choir practices at 7am two days a week, all his choir performances at school, taken him to swim lessons, organized playdates, the works. Sometimes it seems so unfair that I did the main parenting when Moomin was too young to remember it, and now Rook gets to be the Fun Parent most of the time while I hunch over my computer. I never would have had the patience or energy for all those swim lessons this winter (damp and cold! ow! brrr!) so it was very lucky timing for Moomin. I have to note that for at least 6 months I have almost never done the dishes.

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That green stuff scrolling on a black window

Good questions that Moomin’s awesome friend just asked me:

Do you feel better yet? Are you only a little bit sick? Are you working in your bed? Are you programming in javascript? What programming languages do you use? What’s that? Does this one use PUT statements? Is it like HTML? Are you going to do one of those things where green stuff scrolls across a black terminal window?

Answers: Kind of. Yes. Yes. Yes and no. Php, python, javascript, perl. Unix. No not really. No. Yes, yes actually I am, would you like to watch?

IT’S JUST LIKE IN THE MATRIX, KID!!!

Then I kicked him out and shut my office door!

I swear, this kid has to learn how to use Scratch! I like all his questions very much! I think he’s totally ready to learn some procedural thinking!

What I really need here is a sound file that has Majel Barrett going, “PASSWORD CORRECT. HACKING INTO PENTAGON.” That would impress him.

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Back from WisCon!

We’re back from WisCon, the feminist science fiction convention that we go to every year!

WisCon 33

Moomin hung out in the kids’ room, cut out Girl Genius paper dolls, went swimming a lot, made enormous room-sized lego battles with forts and spaceship fleets, and read a lot of books. I introduced him to Patricia C. Wrede who wrote the “Dealing with Dragons” series…

WisCon 33

And Moomin said “What! You’re PATRICIA C. WREDE!? I just want to tell you, actually, I don’t like Dealing with Dragons.”

*pause*

“I LOVE Dealing with Dragons!”

It was hilarious to see Pat’s face fall and then cheer up again with the pause and punchline!

I have a lot more stories from WisCon (and from Maker Faire!) for later!

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Secret San Francisco city parks

I love San Francisco! This weekend I took Moomin to Caffeinated Comics at Mission and 30th, an Internet cafe and comic book store. We had to repeat a bit of comic book store ethics, to wit, don’t stand there reading a whole comic book: if you’re going to read it, buy it. The food selection isn’t very wide at this brand new cafe, but the coffee is excellent and the entire store is “green”. The wireless was fast and there are power outlets. Also a plus for me, it is very wheelchair accessible, with no steps, a gently sloping ramp to an accessible bathroom, and very wide aisles, so that I can get to every part of the store. Moomin got a big book of Avengers comics and an issue of Franklin Richards: Son of a Genius. There was not a big selection of comics, but what was there was solidly interesting, and I trust it will expand as the store becomes established.

Then we drove up Bernal Hill a little ways to the corner of Winfield and Esmerelda to the Winfield Stairs Slide.

slide

A metal double slide goes halfway down a city block rather steeply through this narrow shady garden full of flowers. There’s rubberized stuff and a sand pit at the bottom of the slide. If you bring a cardboard box or waxed paper then the slides are a lot faster. Moomin and Rook went down the slide dozens of times on cardboard boxes and raced to the top while I watched them from a shady spot on the wall at the top and read my book. (Some other day when I don’t mind killing my leg and hip, I might brave the slide and stairs back up.) That would have been enough but… I was greedy to show Moomin more of the city, so we got back in the car and drove up to the top of Bernal Hill to the park where a lot of people bring their dogs.

From the top of the hill park, I had thought Moomin and Rook might wander around or climb the hill while I stayed near the car on crutches. The view at that point in the small parking lot is to the south and east. But we ended up trying the path, which to my surprise was paved! So my wheelchair could get nearly to the top of the hill. I could not quite have done it alone but with some extra elbow power it was fine! We saw a huge gopher snake. At a point where the path turned I stopped at a park bench to look out over downtown and the bay. We could see the Golden Gate Bridge and the Bay Bridge, all the great buildings downtown, the tree-ish line of Folsom Street, San Francisco General, the harbor and stadiums, and all of Hunters Point. Moomin and Rook continued on up the hill. I watched people running with their dogs along the gravel paths on the ridge of the hill. A guy nearby was playing guitar, there were kids with kites and someone in a tie dye shirt was blowing soap bubbles which floated down over the hill dizzyingly into infinity. You couldn’t get more san franciscoish if you tried.

bernal hill

So that was 30 bucks for the comic books and coffee and donuts, which you could get away with $20 less by avoiding buying a giant book, and, say, just buying a couple of comic books and a donut. The parks are free and surprisingly not crowded. I’ll be back at the secret slide and the not so secret top of the hill! I’m in Bernal Heights and the Mission a lot because Zond7 lives there. I want to do a bit more local blogging this summer, about the parks and small things to enjoy about those neighborhoods.

Moomin liked the rock formations on the hill. I talked a bit about subduction zones, serpentinite (California state rock) and the Franciscan melange, which is kind of a mess of old, somewhat metamorphosed, ocean floor shoved up by more ocean floor coming in underneath it, like the whole Coastal Range around here. At the other park I pointed out fennel, a jade plant, and mallow, which is a very attractive weed flowering right now; you can tell it because the leaves look a bit like geranium leaves. It is not the same as the marsh mallow (it is Malva neglecta, a good Latin name for a weed found on disturbed soil; the marsh mallow is Althea something-or-other, not Malva, but is related). I stole a piece of jade plant from the inside of a bush where it would not be missed and will try to go back in a couple of months to get an envelope-full of fennel seeds. I want some fennel in our front yard, but always seem to miss the seed harvest!

mallow

Anyway, I don’t always need every part of a park to be wheelchair accessible, and for me what is more important is having parking and a fairly clear trail and then a place to sit down (if I’m on crutches). So both the slide and the top of the hill worked out fine for me. I can’t say this too often: accessibility is not binary. It is not “yes” or “no”. For example, on the SFKids site review of the Winfield Street Slide, it just says “accessible: no.” Yelp.com also just has a yes/no binary about accessibility. I need to know more than that to find out if a site is accessible. What is the distance from possible parking to where I want to go? Is there a curb cut? How many stairs? Do the stairs have handrails? Is there a place to sit? Are all the paths covered in gravel? That’s what I want to know!

Here is an interesting historical tidbit about the slide:

A more boisterous park amenity–the city’s longest pair of outdoor slides–greets visitors to Bernal Heights Mini Park just a few blocks away at Winfield and Esmeralda. In the late 1970s, neighborhood activists, with help from then-Mayor George Moscone, turned the empty corner lot into a garden spot with spectacular views and a twin, 42-foot sloping steel slide. The highlight of its dedication in 1979 was the photograph of Mayor Dianne Feinstein flying exuberantly down the chute.

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Recovering from domestic violence – with community help

This last month I’ve watched, from a distance, a little bit of what happens when women face domestic violence. Julie from Tangobaby has been blogging about her friendship with K. and her family, a friendship which started back in April. As an individual blogger talking to one other woman she met on the street, she has made a huge difference in K.’s life. WE ARE THE MEDIA, people.

Meanwhile, my friend from WoolfCamp, Gwendomama, was also attacked by her (then) partner. He was arrested and then took all the money which he said he’d used to paid rent and utilities and used it to pay his bail. Her commitment to truth is stunning and beautiful.

But for now, I cannot allow him to take away or hurt this one thing I have left.
Our children are ours. They will always be ours.
But this blog, these words?
They are mine.
This poetic license to be cryptic and have a quirky sense of humor?
All mine.

This is my blog. This is where I can tell my truth, where I can record the awesomeness that is my children, and even record my parenting triumphs and fails.
This is where I have been able to share the ‘unspeakable’; the coping with parenting loss…this blog has been what even helped to keep me sane those years of cyclical arguing.
Sometimes people even pay me astonishingly low amounts of money to write things.
I write only the truth (which, perhaps upon reflection, is why the amounts are so astonishingly low).

I’m going to repeat what Squid said:

Gwendomama is one of my favorite people and bloggers. She is a loud-mouthed, small-business-owning, straight-shooting, food-loving, empathetic woman and dedicated mom. She is a wonderful friend to folks both inside and outside of the computer, to parents who advocate for special needs kids, and especially to parents who — like her — have faced the unimaginable in losing a child.

The unimaginable happened to her again. Last month, she became a victim, and to literally add insult to injury, she has found herself in a financial hole. Please, please help us help our hardworking friend gather funds for her and her children’s immediate needs: food, rent, utility bills.

We are bloggers. Our superpower is connectivity, and when we use that power for good, we can save and change the world. Please forward, blog, connect, and — especially — donate. The campaign will end next Friday, 5/22. No amount is too small, and the sky’s the limit. Thank you.

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Birthday live action role playing game

Last week E. asked us to run a larp (a live action role-playing game) for her 13th birthday, sort of fantasy medieval-ish and with bandits and heroines, swords and combats. We found a good spot in a hilly wooded park nearby and I drew a map:

Map for Ellie's birthday larp

The standing stones are picnic tables, the castley wall of Treegarth is actually there, and the spiderweb design is in some paving stones where there used to be a tiny outdoor theater.

Kids will be in three groups – Druids, Royal travelers, and Bandits. Rook is making up a ton of character stuff which I have nothing to do with. But I know the general plot and am good at atmosphere and props! Someone will have to push me up the hill, but once I’m there it’s all fairly level and with firmly packed dirt paths. I’ll sit in the druid ruins on some pillows and blankets as the Elder Druid.

I made a few props besides the map. $3.99 got me a clear brown-tinted plastic wine glass. It’s got black and italian red stripes with gold paint pen on top. If you’re making cheesy props for a role playing game it is VERY useful to know how to write in runes!

Runes make everything cooler AND sillier.

for the larp

Onward to the puzzles and scrolls. Any decent thick drawing paper makes them nicer, but plain printer paper works too. Write whatever you like in black or brown ink. I think brown ink looks best. Then paint the scroll front and back with a mixture of coffee and brown watercolor paint. Let it dry a little while, then roll the scroll while it’s still wet. Let it dry all the way tied with a ribbon, or bake it on low heat in the oven. Ketchup makes very good bloodstains, but smells horribly like ketchup if baked. Char the edges of the scroll slightly with a candle. Other paper-browning substances are soda, chocolate sauce, and so on. Chocolate sauce and ketchup impart an interesting sheen of age. If you have a crafty kid who doesn’t mind making a mess and if YOU don’t mind a bit of paper on fire in your sink then experimenting with scrolls can take up a whole afternoon or weekend to find the best mix. I’ve always wanted to try oiled paper outer wrappers.

Making scrolls for the larp

The first puzzle is a simple substitution cipher, but first you have to solve the small math problems to get the numbers. I think a few smart 13 year olds can figure out what the 5th Fibonacci number is.

Mathy puzzle

The second puzzle is a poem written in runes. they’re cheaty runes, a mix of half-remembered Futhark and Tolkien. But they work, and I can (scarily) write in them as fast as regular writing. Once the poem is decoded, it’s a riddle that I think might take them a minute or two to figure out, and it should lead them on to the next clue.

Poem puzzle

I didn’t want the puzzles to be too babyish. But not as hard as the ones I made for my grown up friends with slips of paper in books all over the house. (I remember one that was like “Oh, Hero’s Friend!” and it was “oleander” ie the egg with the next clue was hidden in the oleander bushes. The hint was in a book of Greek drama. I wish I had those somewhere – they were hard!

ONce they get the chalice, the amulet, and the wand, some other stuff can happen. We figure the bandits and the royals will fight for a while and spy on each other, but then work together for the cause.

I want to introduce currency into this game in case anyone wants to play it up. So the royals should have a bunch of money, the bandits less individually but a treasure chest; and the druids (me) might charge for healing after battles. Maybe they’ll bribe and hire each other. I don’t know! But whoever ends up the wealthiest should get to be powerful in the True Queen’s court. So, we need like 12 little bags full of pennies and I think E. is coming over tomorrow with some fabric scraps to make the money pouches. I also need to make a quiver for Moomin’s 3 Nerf Rocket Arrows.

Dinner will be in character during the game, as the travellers dine with the druids in an encampment, and then are raided by bandits who take over the feast. I figure a couple of rotisserie chickens, loaves of bread, cheese, honey and apples make a good feast.

We should have some great photos, as long as we’re not all eaten by mountain lions. TOTALLY JOKING… there are no mountain lions… it’s a suburban park full of people and we’ll be incredibly loud and silly yelling ho there varlet & such waving our plastic swords. No one could mistake us for deer!

This is a cheap party to give, as long as you already have swords or will make them, and can scrabble together costumes. The kids have all been in shakespeare plays at school plus Ren Faire, so they had the clothes for it.

If no one gets poison oak then it will all be perfect!

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Free comic book day!!

This weekend we celebrated Free Comic Book Day again. Actually I missed it, but Rook took Moomin to Lee’s Comics to pick up a handful of free comics.

It’s a great “secular holiday”. Moomin gets very excited about it!

Of course, we end up spending more money in the comic book store, but it’s worth it.

It’s always great going through the 10 cent and 25 cent comic book bins!

But my downfall is the big thick compilation books of old superhero comics.


And relatively new stuff, like Digger, but that should realy get a separate review. It’s a great comic for adults and for the YA crowd which could go down to about 9 or 10, Moomin’s age… with some ethics, religion, and scary violence issues, and a complicated story, so might not be ideal for earlier readers. I love it so much! It’s about a nerdy, tough, geology-loving wombat who gets lost underground and comes up in a country far from her home.

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Things to do with rubber bands

Moomin’s friend “Good Landru” has a toy that is basically a board with some nails around the edge and a bunch of different colors and sizes of rubber band. This is going to be my next craft project with Moomin. I ordered this to start with,

Rubber Band Ball kit

Which is nifty looking in itself and he might enjoy. Clearly it is just a big pack of rubber bands with instructions that say “Wrap these suckers around each other till they’re all gone” but unlike so many gimmicky toys, it’s cheap – only 4 bucks. So, I ordered it, it’ll come in the mail as a surprise, and then I can rummage around for a board.

***

rubber bands

We got the rubber bands! I still don’t have a board, but we made a great shoebox guitar and a sort of giant box-zither thing. I realized that Moomin doesn’t know anything about scales, or what a third is, or anything about music theory. He might like it.

My plan for the board is:

1 board about 1 foot square and maybe 1/2″ to 3/4″ thick
32 nails (I think finish nails will work best)

9 nails to a side, gives good scope for making complex rubber band patterns.

I’m not sure if finishing nails, with almost no head to them, will be best or not, so I might get a few other kinds for an experiment.

Anyway, I highly recommend a big bag of multicolored rubber bands – it has a lot of possibility for projects.

Watch out that your cats don’t eat the rubber bands!

Posted in Creativity, Projects | Tagged , , | 22 Comments

The elusive kilogram!

Last night I had this conversation with Moomin. “I just want to make sure you actually understand this metric system stuff rather than doing the problems blindly. So let’s draw a little chart. How many grams in a kilogram?” “Um… ummm… ummmmmm…. Oh yeah! 1000!” “Okay, how many centigrams in a kilogram?” “There’s no such thing as a centigram.” “There is!” “No there’s not! They didn’t tell us that! Look, I wrote it down… Can you just let me finish this page? It’s my bedtime!” Bedtime is not a good time to explain the entire concept of the metric system so I gave in.

Later a certain person assured me that Moomin was right! Well, they are wrong! 8-P

And then led me into a delightfully pointless reading: Wikipedia: Kilogram.

The kilogram is the only unit not defined off a physical constant – it’s defined from this particular object, the 130-year-old International Prototype Kilogram or IPK. And a whole bunch of other metric units are defined using mass, like newtons, pascals, joules, amperes, couloumbs, volts, teslas, webers, candelas, lumens, and lux. (The plural is not “luxes”. I looked it up.) It was created and then defined as the standard. But some replicas of it were created, like the Kilogram of the Archives, and over time they have diverged from each other. The story of what they’re all made of, and how they’re periodically compared and verified, is pretty cool. And sort of insane. Is that a whole bunch of people’s life work? Making sure that we know how wrong our kilograms might be? Eeeeeee! That’s so hot!!!!!!

And so are multiple bell jars over a brass-looking pedestal thingie! It’s like The International Geek Thingamajig on a Steampunk Cake Stand of Awesome!

Burrow deeply into the kilogram article and you will get to the proposed alternatives that would tie the kilogram to a constant. Atom-counting approaches (I liked the Avogadro project, which would use a silicon sphere); Ion accumulation; and the rather sexy sounding watt balance method: the electronic kilogram!

I am tempted to show all this to Moomin but not until he finishes today’s tedious homework, which is three pages of textbook problems of temperature conversion. No one needs that many examples – it is very pointless. At the least I will wow him with the revelation that there are exagrams, zettagrams, yoctograms, and zeptagrams which I will prove through the irrefutability of Wikipedia because we all know the important thing to teach 4th graders is that Wikipedia is totally true.

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Flip fantasia!

After Moomin’s school choir concert — in which 50 kids sang Nickelback’s “Rock Star”, “Time After Time”, “I’ll Stop the World”, and (again) Bohemian Rhapsody — I tried to get him to think of some very silly songs for adaptation for a kids’ choir. He was underwhelmed by the Langley School Project version of Space Oddity, and didn’t think that Sleater-Kinney’s Words and Guitars would translate well to choral adaptation. I disagree, it would totally rock and has great lyrics.

Anyway, after that I was treated to this improvised dance to Cantaloop:

After the first minute the dance gets amazingly interesting! I like Moomin’s improvisations very much. At some point I couldn’t resist dancing a little bit with him so it’s rolling shaky-cam time.

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In search of ping pong balls

The two gross of ping pong balls that I ordered online aren’t here in time to spray paint them black to use as cannonballs for the party. So I went off this afternoon in search of the cheapest ping pong balls in bulk in San Francisco. It ended up being super awesome.

First I found this place online, AMDT Club. As I drove over to it I couldn’t quite picture where it was, somewhere on Lombard St. so either in North Beach or Chinatown or in between. But on the way there I ended up on top of a very steep hill, looking out over all of San Francisco, Coit Tower, and the Golden Gate Bridge. The shop was on Lombard, but on the part of it that feels like a quiet residential street, across from a park and public pool. As I pulled up in front of the store I realized it was a neighborhood center for kids. About 50 middle school kids mobbed the shop on their way home from school, buying trading cards, sodas and candy, and also getting ramen noodle cups and heating them up to eat in the front part of the store. The back of the store was the table tennis club. Kids pay $100 a year to be able to come in and play, and lessons cost extra. They also have home work tutoring. On their site you can see the kids in team uniforms.

I stood around the shop waiting to buy my 144 ping pong balls (the cheapest kind) appreciating the spirit of the shop owner and the people who run the ping pong club for kids, not just giving lessons but really making a community center where kids want to come and hang out. I feel like so many people don’t like the chaotic and lively nature of middle school and high school age kids, but here was a place where they were welcome and appreciated. How beautiful!

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Birthday mayhem! With ammo and oceans!

Happy birthday Moomin!

Happy birthday Milo!

We went to Buck’s and opened presents. The staff brought a free ice cream sundae and sang happy birthday while playing on very out of tune tubas and trombones. Moomin looked ecstatic at the same time as being completely embarrassed. I think embarrassed for everyone else and how silly they were!

At home we opened a couple more presents. He got a Meteor Crater t-shirt, a Spiderman blanket, a high powered magnifying glass that is real and not a toy, some science books and a giant Nerf machine gun that has glow in the dark ammo. I got him extra ammo packs for it and instead of having cake and stuff we turned out all the lights and ran around shooting each other with glow-in-the-dark nerf guns. They stick very well to computer monitors, by the way! I was at a slight disadvantage since my wheels glow in the dark when I move my chair, but on the other hand I’m a good shot! Moomin scrambled around with his giant machine gun and trash talked to Rook who was cowering in the kitchen hoarding all the ammo we fired at him!

At dinner and in the car we were talking about being 9. I said when I was 8 and 9 I thought a lot about how I was beginning to think about the fact that I was thinking. Rook said he was older when he began thinking like that. Moomin agreed and said that he thinks that he is a little bit like a cat, independent and curious, always landing on his feet (true since he was a baby) and not always liking the water. I added some memories of my house when I was 9. Rook moved to a different house when he was 9, away from his friends and school and into a 100-year old house on a hill. Moomin said he would definitely remember the time when he was in the hospital to have his appendix out (he does not remember it as horrible, but it was, and I’m glad he doesn’t remember the horrible parts) and the time this year when he bruised his head against an iron bar on the playground. I told the story of how a clock fell on my head and I had to have stitches.

Then we discussed how at this age you begin to realize (if you haven’t already) that some grownups are either not very smart, or just wrong, or both. Like my 4th grade teacher who insisted that Zeus was the Roman god of the sky. No! Arrrgh! Wrong! (I’m talking to you, Mrs. Jones from Arno Elementary circa 1979!) Moomin said that some adults think that comic books are bad for you and not as good as books. Nooooo! Take it from Moomin, who says that you can learn a lot from comic books. They can be as good as what you read in Language Arts – for example, you can learn about sarcasm, elementary particles, and Alexander the Great!

We told Moomin how he sang ALL the verses to “Spiderman” when he was in nursery school, for their graduation performance. He had forgotten! “Oh my god! I can’t believe it! It’s like the defining moment of me being a TOTAL comic book geek!”

Very true! I was so proud. As a parent there is nothing like hearing your 4 year old lisp all 8 verses about justice and radioactive blood into a microphone on stage in front of all the other parents. Oh yeah!!!! Score!!!!

Anyway, today was a nice birthday!

Next weekend is Moomin’s Ocean party. We’ll make undersea life and hang them in streamers from the ceiling. We’re going to create a life size game of “Hey, That’s My Fish!” in the driveway with blue painters’ tape hexagons, and have a jellyfish piñata filled with ping pong balls painted black which then will be the ammo for a pirate ship battle.

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Swimming at the rehab center

I thought it might motivate me to go and swim for physical therapy if Rook and Moomin came too.

We got to the pool half an hour before it opened. Right behind the center, there’s a huge park. It looked like hard terrain, with a gravel and grass path, a hill up to a wooden bridge, and then down to a grassy park with (hooray!) pavement. I had to do the gravel bits myself, popping wheelies, but Rook pulled me up the hill.

The thing is: I knew it would hurt, and be really hard, and probably foolish, but I still wanted to do it. Moomin ran around exploring. He climbed trees. It’s just that… I don’t get to have that fun any more. I get to be *near* people having fun. On one level that’s great, and it was certainly better than spending the whole day (again) in bed working. I think Moomin had a good time.

Tree

Then in the pool I had to really think about moving my leg around, and work at it. I just wanted to cry. At some point it just feels sucky to be around people having fun if they expect you to also be all fun-having when you can’t. I have to go off by myself a little at that point to deal with myself and whatever pain I’m in. I used to be a fun person. Now that barely ever happens. Anyway. I’ll get better, it will just take a while.

Moomin can swim like crazy now! It’s so great! I love to see the self confidence he has now in the water! I’m really proud of him!

I liked thinking that he will get used to coming to the rehab center with me and will see other people in wheelchairs and with different physical abilities. He seems to just accept that sometimes I can walk around, and sometimes not.

The center has a new display up with stuff about its founder and its history. I had no idea it has gone through many name changes. I like that they put up all that history stuff. It used to be the Community Association for Retarded. They kept the initials but changed it to “Community Association for Rehabilitation” and now it is “Abilities United” which I think is much better. C.A.R. makes me think “Car? Why Car?” while AU sounds like “Alternate Universe”, which is what it’s actually like to be disabled.

Abilities United

We had dinner and a board game night with some friends at our house. Rook did all the shopping and made dinner and chocolate chip cookies. I was too fried to read to Moomin tonight, but we’re on about Chapter 4 of Wind in the Willows now, after finishing Black Beauty with minimal distress (We skipped the Ginger chapter). We made comic book heroes instead.

In the car we came up with good plans for his birthday. He would like an Ocean themed party and I thought up some ideas like a baby harp seal piñata and a life size game of “Hey, That’s My Fish” in the driveway with blue tape and candy fish, and streamers for the ocean.

The rest of the day I worked from bed on my laptop. I have to work all day tomorrow too. That’s just how it is. I have too many projects – work, book editing, upcoming conferences – and a lot of physical pain on top of that. It’s hard to be a good parent right now.

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Breakdancing at Bedtime

Tonight Moomin scolded me because I didn’t put him to bed early enough. It went like this.

Moomin: MooooOOOOOM!!! Isn’t it awfully close to my BEDTIME? Shouldn’t you be putting me to bed?

Me: But wait, you totally have to watch this one awesome bhangra video.

Moomin: No! I don’t THINK so. *hands on hips* I really think I should be putting on my pajamas now. It’s EIGHT TWENTY FIVE.

Me: Okay fine honey, put on your pajamas. That’s great. You know, 8:30 has always been a rough guideline for your bedtime, not an absolute must-be-in-bed-by-that-moment thing.

Moomin: But I have choir practice tomorrow, so I really should get an early night.

Me: Right. Pajamas, then come watch this video with me.

Moomin: *putting on pajamas* No, I have to brush my teeth first!

Me: THERE IS BREAKDANCING IN IT.

Moomin: What?! Breakdancing?!

Me: Yes. Brush your teeth. Then video. Then I’ll read whatever you like.

(WE ROCK OUT…. Moomin tries the dance moves)

In our current book, Black Beauty, we read the chapter where Lady Anne is thrown from her horse. “Would you like me to read one more chapter? “Well… no… I should try to go to sleep. “

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Inauguration homework

Moomin is writing an essay on Obama’s inauguration speech, for his homework tonight! I watched the inauguration this morning after he went to school, and hoped they were watching it there. Apparently they did. I’m so glad. Now, they’re all filling out worksheets and writing paragraphs about what the speech said and their personal connection to it!

As I peek over his shoulder, so far Obama is going to help the economic crisis and global warming and ending wars, but we all have to work hard to help fix things.

I’m trying to imagine this being a homework assignment under Clinton or Bush and completely failing!

Meanwhile, I wrote up my own personal response to the inauguration, which oddly was not at all about Obama, though I was crying with happiness at the whole thing, and loved Aretha Franklin’s hattitude.

Instead, I wrote about my deep personal bond with Dick Cheney.

You heard me!

I’d like him to go to jail, true. But you know what? I’d like him to go there in a decent wheelchair and I’d like him to be able to get in the door.

Here’s my essay: Deconstructing Cheney’s De-Inaugural Wheelchair.

Enjoy!

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Black Beauty vs. Thomas the Tank Engine

Tonight we reached the point in Black Beauty where the horse has galloped for 8 miles and back again to bring the doctor to the Squire’s wife, which saves her life *just in time*. The new stable boy, Little Joe Green, has just been set up as a character who is young and small and means well and very much needs the job. In fact in the chapter before, the older stable guy was explaining to the younger how they have to look out for Little Joe and treat him well (keep in mind this is Anna Sewell’s advice as a Quaker and a social activist.) I wondered how Moomin would take it when Little Joe Green messes up by not covering up Beauty with blankets and feeding him cold water instead of warm, and Beauty gets sick? Would he be judgmental, because Joe made a mistake and hurt the horse, or take the advice of the preceding chapter, and go easy on him?

I sang him the unicorn song, and at the end he put “and Joe, because he thought he was doing the right thing for Beauty”.

I felt proud of him for giving the kid the benefit of the doubt.

I had this book read to me when I was 4 years old and I read it myself many times after that. Until I read it again as an adult, I had thought of it as a sentimental horse story that was perhaps somewhat odd to read to small children. But now that I approach it again, it’s a story about social justice — with a lot of sad bits, but the message over all is that people (and horses) have to struggle to be decent to each other despite unjust situations, bad health, and crushing poverty. So, not really a bad book from an ethical standpoint and a book that certainly teaches over and over that trying your best to help people (or horses) and be unselfish means that other people respect you.

I have said before I find many modern kids’ books, ones for younger children, to be very annoying and of questionable effect, because their theme is that when you have a terrible, sad, or angry feeling, you trump everyone around you (often the plot of Caillou, or Arthur, Fisher Price little people, Thomas the Tank engine (Ugh!!!) and even Bob the Builder) That way, everyone will pay attention to you and figure out despite your passive aggressive sulks what is wrong. This does not seem like a great message to send to a 5 year old! What do you think?

Horses that die in a fire, broken knees, the brutality of the hunt, and that horrible scene with Ginger lying in the cart? Or whining little mice and trains who live in a world of whiny drama?

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Advice from a grinch: throw it away!

Minnie and I are going to give each other the holiday gift of throwing each other’s crap away. We now have a pact to come over to each others’ houses and help the other to get rid of a godawful amount of crap.

I have a cubic ton of ancient tshirts. Minnie has… lord knows what but she specifically mentioned 5 tubs of pieces of fabric and then she kept remembering more and more tubs squirreled away.

Minnie is a ruthless bitch. This is the most useful quality you can have in a declutterathon. A get-rid-a-thon. Trashathon? Divestathon? What to call it?

At her own house she turns into a wavery little jellyfish wafted about by the ocean currents of her own JUNK and the emotional associations that go with it. Good intentions, future projects, nifty memories, and most horribly, the nifty memories of well-intentioned future projects from the past. She has it all. I will throw a pale imitation of her practiced sneer as I hold up her fabric swatches between two fingers. It’s nothing to what she’s about to do to my bins of completely pointless tshirts.

And the papers! The papers mixed with piles of books!

arrrgh! help me!!!!

My resolution is to get rid of at least ONE 6-foot high bookshelf, along with all the stuff in it, on it, and spilling out of it.

It is also time for another brutal round of cutting the punk or ancient-dot-com tshirt slogans out of the tshirts for their sentimental value, and using the rest for rags!

I would like to go through the closet in my office. It has 4 shelves worth of riot grrl zines from the early 90s. Half of that is probably just cruddy magazines, flyers, mostly-empty notebooks, and other things that can be thrown away. It’s things that in 1994 I threw into boxes. They were in storage, then in boxes in a closet, then got unboxed 4 years ago. But I never sorted through. Oh, to have the beautiful, wonderful zines harvested out of the muck, and arranged alphabetically in neat magazine boxes! And eventually, to scan them, put them on the net, and donate the paper copies to a university library!

Don’t even get me started on Moomin’s room. It is just a wall of books and comic books, with sprinkles. And an upper bunk bed entirely filled with stuffed animals.

I am so ready! Help me prune all this stuff! I want to get rid of it and feel all light and free!

If you would like to buy a 1911 set of Encyclopedia Brittanicas I am ready to let go of them and all their wonderous, dusty pages full of incorrect details about the Aether.

Please no one give me any presents. Well, maybe a few books…

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"Family Club" steals money from Bay Area families

My sister Minnie, like so many other moms of young children, was looking for a social group for new moms. She left her Silicon Valley web developer job of 8 years to stay at home with her baby, and could not afford to pay for any extra child care. She found out about Blue Sky Family Club from an advertising flyer at the Emeryville Market in the San Francisco East Bay, announcing a new family club. She was in the “ball pit” with her 18 month old baby, wishing for a nicer environment.

When she went to check it out with her free visit coupon from the flyer, her baby had a great time. Blue Sky was an upscale cafe, with coffee, beer, and wine, and a big play area with a kids’ and babies gym and great toys. “It was a large open space with natural light. They had a living room area with couches, an art area, a play house area, rock climbing wall, and gym, alongside the cafe.” Sounds great ,doesn’t it? Minnie made the decision to pay the $170 fee for a 14 month unlimited membership.

One month later, Minnie got an email . The club would be shutting down, and membership fees would not be returned.

When Minnie first told me this story I assumed it was a sad tale of some half-assed Oakland hippies trying to create a co-operative. However, a little research uncovered a completely different story.

Blue Sky is the brainchild of Sheryl O’Loughlin, a marketing executive and former CEO. She is a high powered executive type who has now defrauded an unknown number of East Bay moms of their money. This is a person who has made a profit and a successful career from marketing to women and specifically to mothers. Apparently she and her husband Patrick are very concerned with “saving the planet” and making mindful decisions about buying organic produce. At the same time as they screw the “little people” out of their hard earned cash. What a great business plan!

Everyday I make my daily decisions mindfully – with an awareness of their potential impact on the environment. Whether it’s supporting my local farmers market and buying local, organic food for my family or working with my colleagues to source a new organic ingredient; I know that every decision matters. Each choice I make is a moment of reflection and an opportunity to lessen my impact on the environment. Through consistent, thoughtful and sustainable decisions, we are collectively changing the world.

Nice.

The O’Loughlins announced the closure of their business, but apparently have not filed for bankruptcy.

In June 2007, bizjournals.com reported on the O’Loughlins’ plan for Blue Sky to become a local, then a national chain:

It will cost $3 million to open the first club. In addition to investing $100,000 of their own funds, the couple has managed to raise about $300,000 from private individuals in the last three months and they are continuing to look to angel investors and potential restaurant partners for backing. They expect roughly $1 million in leasing and tenant improvement funds from their future landlord. Their goal is to open four additional locations in five years.

Sounds like their venture capital money ran out. I can sympathize with an idealistic business plan and the financial turmoil that comes when an ambitious business plan fails. However, of all the creditors resulting from business failure, the *club’s individual members*, and their target market, should be paid back.

How many members were part of Blue Sky Family Club? I can’t imagine that membership was more than a few hundred. Say it was 300 members paying around 170 each – that’s about $50,000, probably less if you prorate the months of membership that passed for members who joined at different times. Let’s call it 35K. Do we seriously believe that Blue Sky’s founders don’t have that 35K? Why don’t they put their money where their business plan was? Sheryl O’Loughlin should make the ethical business decision, sell some of her stock or put a second mortage on her house and pay back her investors. She has committed theft plain and simple. It is the kind of scam that upper class people get away with all the time. And they shouldn’t.

“Doing a startup like this takes a tremendous amount of patience,” she says. “As a business person used to having things happen very fast, it’s like, take a breath, you’re going to get a million nos. You just have to keep plugging and believe in your ideas.”

This is a professional who wants to continue working in parenting-related products and marketing. She is now on the Board of Directors of a eco-food business called Nest Naturals. O’Loughlin’s bad business ethics should be exposed. Why would parents, her target market, trust her business sense after this spectacular failure of capital and basic decency? Who folds a business that has hundreds of members — members who in effect are micro-investors — and doesn’t even bother to declare bankruptcy? There are laws to protect creditors; in this case, a class-action lawsuit seems quite possible.

Blue Sky and other businesses who serve moms of young children should sit up and pay attention – and should not alienate their client base. Studies show that women pay more attention to the advice and information they get from their friends, whether online or off, than they do to corporate marketing or even other media channels. Moms talk, and moms listen to other moms. I would advise the (former) Blue Sky operators Sheryl O’Loughlin and Patrick O’Loughlin that paying back their customers’ membership fees is more than just ethical. It’s good business sense.

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Castle stories and rainbow drawings

Here is a snippet from an otherwise trashed 2003 notebook. I wrote down a story as Moomin told it and acted it out with little animals and his toy wooden castle.

Once upon a time there was a beautiful castle with a flag waving in the air. The handsome prince talked and he said “Hello Princess” and she was trying to go to sleep and snore and snore. He waked her up with a gentle kiss. The sleeping beauty came back to her castle. “Hi Sleeping Beauty” said the princess. And she came into the castle. And the witch cast a spell. Let’s have a picnic, we can make this a picnic table. They can have some grapes. Stir, stir, stir, stirring the grapes. And (Moomin) hammered the castle roof tight. And the castle floor. And they have a picnic. That’s the end.

It’s very interesting to listen to kids’ narrative structures and the ways they put in snippets of genre! How can tiny humans be only 3 years old and yet know how to make up stories? It’s so amazing.

Here is a zebra drawing from that same notebook. Like the castle story has all the elements of fantasy, the drawing has all the elements of a zebra, put together in a somewhat nonlinear way.

zebra

My zebra drawing (which I am sure he asked for; I drew a lot of little cartoons on request.)

zebra and horse

One more cute drawing, of a rainbow, by Moomin:
rainbow

I’m tearing out those pages for Moomin’s scrapbook, and throwing rest of notebook away!

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Being involved in local government

Here’s my town’s new General Plan.

I just got this email from a community member, with a list of the committee meetings! I have not done much in the last year and a half, because of health issues, stopped going to school meetings and school board meetings. I think I’ll pick a group and try to make all its meetings, and maybe offer to let Moomin pick one and decide. If it were up to me I would either go to Urban Design or Housing and Human Concerns.

I want to let you know that the process of creating Redwood City’s new General Plan is making great progress. We had a wonderful turnout at our September workshop, and at our follow-up Planning Commission meeting in October.

Now, the next two months offer a multitude of opportunities for you to get involved, learn more, and help the City to craft this important “blueprint for the future” of our community.

Please take a look at the schedule of New General Plan-related meetings below and you’ll surely find one or more that you can attend so you can participate, gather information, and offer your comments. Be sure to take a look at www.redwoodcity.org/generalplan for more information, or contact Tom Passanisi at 650-780-7234. By the way, there will also be many more opportunities in the new year for you to get involved and Be a part of the Plan!

Wednesday, November 12:
Planning Commission meeting to discuss Urban Design and Jobs/Housing issues.
7 pm, City Hall

Thursday, November 13:
Historic Resources Advisory Committee meeting to discuss Historic Resources Background Report.
7 pm, City Hall

Tuesday, November 18:
Planning Commission meeting to discuss Corridor Alternatives (Woodside Road, Veterans/Broadway and El Camino Real).
7 pm, City Hall

Thursday, November 20:
Housing and Human Concerns Committee and Senior Affairs Commission joint meeting to discuss aging and healthy communities.
6:30 pm, Veterans Memorial Senior Center

Monday, November 24:
City Council meeting with guest speakers to discuss General Plan and climate change.
7 pm, City Hall

Tuesday, November 25: Planning Commission and Port Commission Joint Study Session to discuss Economic and Industrial Expansion issues related to the Bayfront area.
7 pm, City Hall

Tuesday, December 2: Planning Commission/Housing and Human Concerns Committee Joint Study Session to discuss the Housing Element.
7 pm, City Hall

Thursday, December 4: Neighborhood meeting to discuss General Plan issues related to Friendly Acres and Redwood Village areas.
6:30 pm, Taft School

Tuesday December 9: Planning Commission to discuss land use issues related to the Bayfront area.
7 pm, City Hall

Wednesday, December 10: Neighborhood meeting to discuss multi-family housing in neighborhoods adjacent to Downtown
6:30 pm, City Hall

Thursday, December 11: Neighborhood meeting to discuss General Plan issues related to Palm Park and Redwood Oaks areas.
6:30 pm, Sequoia YMCA

I think Moomin might want to do something more ecology-related. I could also offer him some involvement with City Trees, or at the Marine Science Institute as he needs to start doing a little community service – required by school!

He has come to many meetings with me but usually spends them reading a book or drawing with crayons. He might still find them too boring.

I’m impressed with my town, as usual. This is a good plan and a good web site. I would like more of a community forum to be provided for public discussion, but that will take time. I think still, people are slow to trust each other for public discussion and they don’t know how to deal with the moderation and management of online communities. But that will come in time.

Here’s a flyer a lot of children made last night, on the spot, in the dark on the street corner, as about 50 people rallied in support of repealing/fighting Prop 8.

No on 8 - Redwood City

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