Coffee with badass mamas


pool
Originally uploaded by Liz Henry

This morning’s coffee hour was particularly nice. I was bummed about being back in the wheelchair today, and I was in pain. But then everybody made me laugh. My hurting bones baked in the sun. The cherry pie and bacon rocked my world.

There was blog gossip, gossip about blogs, gossip about everything unbloggable, talk of all the upcoming readings and events for theCan I Sit With You? book, “my kid said this cute thing” stories, and I heard that the fabulousLiz Ditz is setting up to do some “kindergarten readiness” consulting.

I got into a great conversation with jennyalice about relationships. In a conversation with her partner she ended up saying to him, “Hey, you know why we feel uncomfortable and out of control? It’s because we’re actually sharing power and no one’s in charge.” This is a great thought to chew on. From talking about the whole “domestic discipline” thing with hilarity and sadness, we quickly moved on to talk about power, housework, and responsibility.

Meanwhile, I played with Rocketina, B.’s little daughter. She took off her boots and I put them on again while we discussed gravity, “up”, and “down”. I suggested that her rubber boots would make a nice hat. One year olds are good for the ego; I was totally a comedic genius for that minute of putting a boot on my head. Little Rocketina (20 months!) then wowed me by pointing at the table marker and saying “Dat’s a ONE. And dat’s a FOUR. Makes FOURTEEN.”

I’m back in bed now. While my leg is still hurting, I’m buoyed up by sun, pie, and a huge dose of my awesome friends.

This photo is of the indoor aquatic center in the East Bay – just across the Dunbarton Bridge in Newark! We went this weekend & it was great!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | 4 Comments

Redshirting kindergartners: a rant!

When I saw this headline about redshirting kindergartners, I thought it had something to do with Star Trek, but could not figure out how on earth the metaphor could be stretched – was someone sending 5 year olds out to get killed first on an Away team to the planet Rigel Beta XI? Or what?

No! It is a sports team metaphor. I never get those! Redshirting means sitting a younger player on the bench and saving them for another season.

But here it means this: Keeping your kid out of Kindergarten for an extra year. Basically it means you flunked preschool. (Or, your parents did.)

Now, I understand if your child has some developmental delays or some kind of health problem that means they are truly “not ready”. In that case I am totally understanding and I think a family should do what is best for them and the child. So if that is your child, I’m not talking to you.

But… in my experience over here in yuppieland it does not mean that. Instead, it means people who think one or more of these things:

– their child is too bratty to know how to behave
– they want their child (almost always a boy) to be bigger and stronger for sports and for playground fights
– they want their child (again usually a boy) to have an advantage academically

This is bullshit! It is all bullshit! I call it out on the carpet in a ranty way!

For one thing, if your 5 year old kid is too misbehaving to hang out in a classroom for a couple of hours, I seriously doubt they will improve by being home with YOU for a whole extra year. Since you clearly have done a shit job so far in civilizing it. How hard could mostly-behaving-yourself in kindergarten be?

For another thing so what if your child does have a bit of a behavior problem in kindergarten? What is the big deal here? It’s not going down on their Permanent Record is it? So they were bratty in class one day and cried, or threw a tantrum, or scrunched someone’s owl. Big whoop! They’re in kindergarten! They’re tiny kids! Send them to the principal’s office ! They don’t always behave! And that’s okay.

As for the parents who want their nasty little boneheaded brutes to be even huger and more thuggish so they can kick my kid’s ass around the playground, screw them!

And the ones who are dooming their kids to a future of being 20 year old high school seniors, for the sake of a possible football scholarship again because they are hulking thugs more physically mature than the other kids, whatEVER… And don’t you think that sends a bad message to your kid, down the line?

As for the academic readiness, once again let me remind you this is kindergarten. That place where you learn to sit in your chair for 15 minutes, you learn the alphabet, the names of the shapes and colors, and how to hold a crayon. Come on people. How “ready” do you have to be. Kindergarten usually last for like 2 and a half hours and that is half recess, story time, and snacks anyway. I think your kid can handle the pressure.

Mostly it pisses me off because it is an argument that people turn into something so gender-based and because it is rooted in privilege. It is people with the privilege to pay for a whole extra year of child care or lose the wages of the person caring for the child while it’s not in school. So if you are doing this you are throwing your privilege around in a really ugly way even if you think it is “best for little Connor” or whatever, what you are doing is saying that you can’t stand even for a second that your misbehaving, too dumb to hold a crayon, hellspawn does not have the maximal privilege known to mankind. Put them in school to get socialized like a regular member of our society and shut up.

Also my solution to all of this hullabaloo is to pay teachers more, so that we get amazing, competent, happy teachers, and they will be able to handle a class full of 5 year olds just fine.

Tagged , , , , , , | 27 Comments

How not to talk to your teacher

Moomin had his second report card of the year and got very good grades. I went to the parent-teacher conference thinking “THIS time I’m going to keep my mouth shut. I’ll listen to what the teachers have to say, since the point of this is for me to find out what they think about how my kid’s doing in school.”

Did I keep my mouth shut and listen… NO. I started babbling right away, knowing that BS was coming out of me, mostly defensive stuff and long pointless explanations of Moomin’s psychology. They don’t want to hear it! And it doesn’t do any one a bit of good!

Knowing that didn’t help me stop doing it. It pokes me right in my tender mom-spot for other people to even vaguely imply that there is a flaw in my child… or in what I do as a parent.

Next time I *swear* to shut up and listen.

They said good things about his imagination, creativity, and depth of knowledge, which was nice to hear.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | 6 Comments

What not to wear: No to Knives!

Things you can get away with wearing if you are not a parent, but might want to use your judgement about, if you are around kids who can read:

Stabby McKnife

This got me thinking. I mean, about 2 percent of my brain thinks “Oh, hahaha, this is a great shirt, I’d totally wear it.” Then I think it over for more than a second and decide against it.

What’s the most inappropriate tshirt you can think of for a PTA mom of a 3rd-grader?

Please help me satisfy my inner Bad Mom with suggestions. I don’t need to wear them or even buy them. I just need to have them to think about.

I’m still tempted by this one , which I’ve wanted for years. That, or its companion, would be a good one to wear to those mom’s club general meetings.

No, wait, my all time worst tshirt to wear to a PTA meeting is.. drum roll…

MILF Hunter

Tagged | 3 Comments

Barack Skywalker rules the back seat

Moomin’s friend Hamster asked me today who I was going to vote for. Then he asked if I knew who Dick Cheney was and if I thought that “Darth Cheney” was a funny name for him because he wasn’t a very good person to be in charge. Of course, I laughed and said yes. There were some more questions about my politics and about Clinton vs. Obama vs. McCain.

Great, I have a cold, and nasty cramps, and I’m driving down 101 trying to explain about the War and health insurance and abortion rights to two 7-year-olds in the back seat who spend most of their waking hours discussing which Pokemon could kick which Transformer’s butt, or saying the word “wiener” over and over and giggling…

It cheered me up hugely when they made up a new movie!!

In their funny movie, George Bush would be the Sith Lord, and Dick Cheney would be Darth Cheney. Clinton would be Princess Leia and Obama would be Luke Skywalker. They could not figure out who would be R2D2.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | 5 Comments

Power to the skate punks


this is my wtf face
Originally uploaded by Liz Henry

I would like to say thank you to the nice middle school skater punks outside North Star Academy who at my request walked through the building to open the door on the other side for me so that I could park close to the elevator and go into the building on my crutches.

If any of them ever read this, I chewed out the mean teacher in room 142 who chewed them out and I complained about her actions to the school administration. She clearly assumed I was a juvenile delinquent just like she did for you. IMHO you are self motivated athletes and should be proud and also should get some respect from adults… not treated with hostility.

This is of course the same teacher who never opens the door for me when I bang on it or when I make motions at her through the glass and I am on crutches or in my wheelchair. She yelled at me a bunch last fall for opening the door on the Forbidden Side of the building and for using the elevator and she also has more than once challenged who am I and what am I doing there and would not believe me when I said I was a parent of a student at the school.

GRRRRRRRR.

Also I do not care if skaters sometimes damage curbs. Why not just build a couple of extra curbs or rails good to skate on? But no… on the one hand school districts complain that kids are not exercising and then when they do… ban them. SO UNFAIR. I hear that walking on sidewalks also wears them out. Also that driving on roads causes potholes. Also that if you put benches in a park people might sit on them when they are tired. Ummm whatEVER. Things.. and places… they are meant to be used by people.

The principal was nice and listened to my complaint, but he didn’t get it… I … and those kids… are community members and should not be treated like criminals. I have gone to the playground behind the school for 8 years now and so do a lot of other local people. It’s a peaceful place and I’ve never seen anyone doing any vandalism or anything wrong. Instead people show up and play basketball, ride bikes, skateboards, and use the playground. So to go on about “liability” is nonsense.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | 5 Comments

Diorama time!

Moomin is making his first “diorama project” for school! It’s for a book report on Max and Me and the Time Machine, about two kids who go back to vaguely inaccurate “medieval times”, meet an alchemist and some knights, and see a joust. One kid becomes a knight or squire, and the other his (talking) horse.

Castle

After about an hour and a half of painstaking following-the-directions from 123 Draw Knights, Castles, and Dragons there is a very lovely, tiny, knight on horseback all colored in and cut out!

Construction paper sky, bleachers, and grass, and a small clear plastic box colored with different colored Sharpies made the time machine.

There’s one more knight to go. Will it be faster this time? Will I be able to curb or at least mask my impatience and my desire to make the diorama myself?

Must keep reminding myself… it’s not ME who is in third grade… It is Moomin’s vision and skills here… not mine…

No matter how much I love to make tiny craft projects, this one is not for me!

I consoled myself by making a space helmet out of tinfoil, for a stuffed tiger.

While I’m more than a little annoyed that the teacher spelled “diorama” as “diarama” on the homework instructions, it’s a great opportunity to point out to Moomin how teachers can be wrong as well as how to look things up in the dictionary.

Posted in Creativity, Projects, School | Tagged , | 17 Comments

Weird pseudo-date school fundraisers

I’m kind of a jerk about school fundraiser events and in fact it is an area you might call me un-civic-minded. The girl scout cookie thing, the wrapping paper, the cookie dough, the auctions… God I hate the idea of the auctions, I’m sorry.

HERE IS MY RANT!

What the hell people. Just pay your taxes! And go vote for higher school taxes if that’s what it takes, and if you’ve got a wad of money extra then give it to the district so they can spread it out fairly, or donate it to the Teachers’ Union to help the teachers get some decent pay. Instead of dicking around endlessly organizing your Box Tops and your toy drives. It drives me crazy… Go get a job. Instead by volunteering you are enabling a classist system that means schools that serve wealthy populations get decent funding, and schools where there aren’t a bunch of housewife-role-filling parents don’t. Plus, women pressured to systematically disempower themselves by doing unpaid political and fundraising work. That is bogus! I respect organizations like the PTA, and the women who do the difficult politics of them, and YET… again… how about making those jobs into REAL PAID JOBS. You’re doing work, ladies. Demand a paycheck for it. What are you teaching your sons and daughters in this meta message? That you… that mothers… that women’s work is invisible and unworthy of being considered “real” work.

Chew on that during your next Auction.

And now to the substance of my rant. Ever since I heard of Father-Daughter Dances, which was mercifully only a few years ago, I’ve loathed the idea. What a weird thing. And it ended up… or maybe started, I don’t know, in these grotesque and oversexualized Purity Balls. Gross! Why would you at all want to imply that it’s normal for dads to take their daughters on a formal date in a ball gown?

Why do I rant, you ask?

I am asked to participate in a Mother-Son Dodgeball Dance. Oh fine, I’m over-reacting to a cheesy 2 hour long fundraiser and I could pay up the 20 bucks and go to it and sit in the corner glowering in my wheelchair. But no… I won’t.

There are so many things to dislike about this whole deal. For one, the implication that I need some sort of special school event to make me bond with my son. For another the weird violent undertone of the whole thing. For another, my son isn’t a jock and I hate the way this is slanted to make “sportiness” and sports and dodgeball into a male thing, a boy thing, a thing that naturally as a female I wouldn’t normally do but have to be pressured to do.

Here is the flyer:

“Boys… Here’s your chance to ‘Get Mom’ at the thing you do best! Mom… Here’s your chance to show him how you get your head in the game! When you’ve worked that out, get out and shake it! $20 includes admission for 2 with disc jockey, momento photo, sweatband, drinks, and treats! Sneakers required! It’ll be a blast!”

Gah!

You can see I hate it just from the jolly fakey sporty tone and the bad spelling.

But further how about that “Get Mom” idea? WTF? Sure… because all little elementary school boys like to play “violence towards women” so much that they need special lessons for it?

And how about that “sneakers required”… does that strike anyone else as an implication that Moms wear pointy toed shoes at all times even to “Dodgeball Dances”? Special reminder! Get wild n crazy and kick off those lawyerly pumps!

Though, the real truth is… if it was a World of Warcraft Mother-Son combat night then I would gladly accept the challenge.

I hated dodgeball!!!

Tagged , | 15 Comments

I can has explanation?

Moomin is sitting at his computer and laughing hysterically at I Can Has Cheezburger? as he talks to himself about why they’re funny. Sometimes I go and explain the humor as best I can, but I just totally avoided going into the story behind Dumbledore is Gay?!! Not because I won’t talk about being gay with him, but because of spoilers!

Last week I also came across him explaining lolcats to several younger kids. They came to this one, Pole Dancer Kitteh has Second Thoughts and didn’t laugh… instead, four blank stares and an awkward pause; then they skipped forward to the next one and were laughing their heads off again.

I thought of all the inappropriate and over-my-head humor that I loved so much when I was a kid. I could sing most Tom Lehrer songs by the time I was 5, and knew where to laugh. It took me the next 20 years to understand the humor!

Maybe the sex-and-drugs lolcats will be like that for Moomin. I feel like a lot of his cultural education is happening mediated by the net, though more is from comic books and books.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | 6 Comments

Boldness and privilege in The Golden Compass

I saw the Golden Compass for the first time last week, and felt a sort of thrilling identification with Lyra in her moments of ridiculous bravery. She’d step forward and speak up, to the Panzerbjorn king or to the line of Tatar soldiers and I’d think, “Oh my god, that’s what I always do in hard situations, and it’s what I imagine that I’d do if actually in a crowd of snarling, hostile, armored bears.” I don’t get enough of that sort of female hero in movies and it was super gratifying to cheer Lyra on and shake my fist at the villains on the screen.

Then I was watching the movie for the second time with Moomin and whenever Lyra stepped up, he’d say “Oh my god. Why is she doing that! Noooooo!” I thought about his approach to problems and bullies. For one thing, he has a particular strategic approach to games and problems based in absolute safety. In checkers, he prolongs neutrality as long as possible, also refusing trades or sacrifices in chess. For another, I’ve said “Well, if someone’s trying to fight with you, just go away” a hundred times ever since he was 2 years old.

I didn’t think to add “…unless they’re a line of grim soldiers with wolf daemons and there’s nowhere to run to and you’re in some kind of morally correct position so you might as well act brave.”

There might be a couple of spoilers coming up, so take warning. Nothing too serious, though.

During the bear-king’s court scene where Lyra’s walking forward through the ring of snarling bears, and Moomin was exclaiming at how stupid she was being, I did say something to the effect that “Well, it wouldn’t do her any good to act like she’s scared. So, why not act brave and bold? They’re either going to eat her up, or not. So she figures that being bold and talking her way out of it is her only hope.”

He looked at me like I was completely nuts!

So that led me to a further thought which was that Lyra is shown as a child of great privilege (as I also was and am). Her argument with Roger on the rooftop about being a “lady” nailed the point home; she insists she isn’t a “lady” and maybe isn’t in some ways, i.e. behaving and doing what she’s told, or being quiet. But she *is* one in that she knows how to behave in an upper class way, and when she does it, she is treated with respect by the people around her: by Mrs. Coulter, by King Farr, even by King Ragnar.

The way she is constantly rescued and is lucky and has people watching out for her is also a good way to show her level of privilege. In the movie it’s because she’s particularly special and a child of prophecy. But in real life, people who grow up with privilege assume that safety net, that possible unexpected help may come to you — and I don’t mean just wealth and social class but I was also thinking of the privilege of physical attractiveness. If you’re pretty, or cute, like Lyra, then you can often just assume other people will be nice to you, listen to you, and help you, even strangers, soldiers, and Kings.

I mention it because I’ve seen people blogging their complaints about the way Lyra gets rescued at every possible bad moment by the Gyptians or Lee Scoresby or Iorek or others. (I would argue that she always goes down fighting very fiercely and that she chooses to do many brave things. She’s never helpless and pathetic and then rescued.)

I don’t think Pullman or the movie makers meant to show Lyra’s privileged position as a critique of privilege. But, we could use the movie’s events, and similar patterns in other fantasy novels with children-who-fulfill-the-prophecy, to explain ways that privilege work – they are useful examples for teaching, because they’re so exaggerated.

Tagged , | 8 Comments

Spying on the minds of winged kittens

Moomin spent some time at breakfast explaining his imaginary morning. He’d been pretending that he wrote the Catwings books, and that they were true stories.

He was sitting with the winged kittens of the story, telling them how he had installed translators into their heads that beamed what they said and saw to him. That’s how he could understand cat language, and how he could know just what they were thinking and doing in order to write the stories.

That was impressive and cute, but also a little bit creepy!

Is he going to grow up to be a mad scientist or what?

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | 3 Comments

Four wheels just like you

Today after the wild excitement of the toy and bike shop with his Grandma, Moomin rode the bike out of the store, down the ramp, to the back parking lot where I had my car. His bike is green and black with lightning stripes, which is perfect because it’s his favorite color!

Everyone else was still in the store, or out front putting things into Rook’s car. We carefully looked around the parking lot and I got Moomin to make sure to ride right next to me. I noticed with me in the wheelchair and him on the bicycle, we were exactly the same height. Moomin observed to me that the parking lot was very bumpy when you are on wheels, and he’d never noticed before.

As we raced towards the car, he was grinning like a maniac, and said,

Hey! This is awesome! Now I have four wheels, just like you, Mom!”

If he weren’t only 7, and very innocent, it might make a person barf a little… from sentiment.

Instead, I felt so happy. The sun was shining. My kid has a new bike that he loves. And… he loves it partly because he gets to be like me — wheeled.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | 3 Comments

Craftiness and singing rock songs

As I listened tonight to Moomin’s school choir singing “Mamma Mia”, “American Pie”, and “Do You Love Me (Now That I Can Dance)” very deer in the headlights and solemn, I wondered what strange choral adaptations of current pop songs will be popular 10 or 50 years from now. Maybe choirs of 3rd graders will be singing mashups and belting out “Upside Down and Dirty“. I’m just waiting for the “Smells Like Teen Spirit” xmas adaptation, maybe next year? Then it could be just like Eileen Gunn & Leslie What’s science fiction story about the psychic muties at Nirvana High.

Right at the end of Mamma Mia, a kid in the front row threw up explosively and very orangely. The show must go on! Thank god for small mercies… that he was in the front row and didn’t throw up all over someone else.

chorus

Meanwhile at Jo’s house I gathered up yarn and string and thread and craft things, origami paper, frame kits, without end. I thought of the string art, the popsicle sticks, yarn, the dioramas and boxes full of beads I used to make, the tubs full of scraps of fabric! There was so much of it, and so hard to keep in order. Jo’s daughter has gone beyond fooling around with the stuff and has actual skills, in quilting and origami and crocheting and knitting. I’m impressed with it!

As I sat there marvelling at it all, she came in the door and declared her goal for the next year or so is to try every kind of craft thing she doesn’t know how to do. I suggested decoupage… but she’s tried it. Maybe sanding and staining furniture would come in handy?

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | 5 Comments

Yay! new chair!

Moomin just came home from school and yelled,

YAAAAY! I was right, this IS a great day! Mom’s new wheelchair is here!

Yay indeed. The thing is 17 pounds and it’s like being a tiny slick ball bearing as I whip around the sidewalks and streets, not to mention in the house.

Moomin especially likes the light-up front caster wheels, which I also super love. The rotation of the casters move some internal bits, making static electricity, which then sparks and powers the tiny LED lights.

Dang that’s cool!

I knew static electricity was good for something other than making my hair stick straight up!

How long till they make it into the rims of bike tires, and maybe into bike pedals? That would be neat. They’re already in scooters, rollerblades, and skateboards!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | 3 Comments

Pain, disability, and parenting

Pain makes it hard to pay attention to other people and their needs. That makes it hard for me to be the parent I want to be.

Being a working and disabled mom has been very tough. Everything changed so fast! I felt like I wasn’t being a good parent. I was barely seeing Moomin, and when I did see him, I was grumpy or somewhat abstracted.

Even when I was walking just fine in the past few years, it was a matter of course that Mom takes to her bed around 6pm and is a little cranky and demands massages and takes hot baths while bitching about pain.

But when I was really “on” I was all about the projects and reading and coloring and cooking and playing and paying attention.

oracle and power girl

Well, I’m not that kind of parent right now. I haven’t been that kind of mom since about January this year, not for more than maybe a couple of times a week for an hour or so. And then I just want to be in bed again, without anyone accidentally kicking my legs, and I want to disappear into concentration on something, on books or writing or my computer, because it lets me escape from pain or fear or being upset.

I have had my moments as well of crying at the thought that Moomin won’t remember me as able, really. I wonder if he remembers me before the wheelchair? Will he remember that I played with him in the park, and took him on the slide, and ran around kicking balls and carrying him and things like that? Will he remember playing “airplane” on my legs? And playing on the beach, and my teaching him how to make sandcastles?

kids on the beach, rockaway

Probably not. Or not much. Instead, he’ll remember being little enough to be in my lap and to go racing downhill at top speed in “Mom’s cool wheelchair”, and the other kids begging for rides.

He’ll remember playing “robot arms” with mom’s reacher-grabber tools.

He’ll remember the times we’ve been jousting cyber-knights with mop-handle spears, and his silly mom yelling CHAAAAARGE as she zooms across the living room with a sword in her hand.

He’ll remember feeling important, proud, and capable as he helps out by pushing his mom up the ramp when she got tired. He’ll pride himself on how he helps with the laundry, or puts away his dishes, because mom can’t do it.

He’ll remember watching Aaron Fotheringham do the first wheelchair backflip and us yelling “HOT DAMN, COOL!” at the computer screen.

On the harsher side, he’ll also remember being yelled at to pick his junk up off the floor, to clear the way for Mom on Wheels.

He’ll remember a mom who is human enough to cry in front of him sometimes.

I hope that in part will outweigh the hard times he must be feeling, or worries he has or will have about me.

I’m just glad too that his dad is so great, playing with him, doing everything, paying all the attention I wish that I could manage to pay. Baking cookies and playing with bath toys and going out to the park, going to lunch, going shopping together. Rook takes him to school and picks him up now, instead of me doing it, and goes to birthday parties and play dates. So in a way my *not* doing those things means that Rook and Moomin bond more closely, which is not a bad thing.

So he’ll remember the great times with his dad, too.

As I think of it, it’s good for *me* to remember that it’s not all about me.

If my physical situation keeps getting worse, they’ll both have to go through seeing me in some harder times. I worry that I’ll be the bummer, the drag, the bitch, always needy and not giving very much.

I feel so inadequate now, but it could get much much worse. I’m facing up to that. And will try to hold that thought not in fear but in order to appreciate what we’ve got now.

I resolve to try harder at it, and to be more involved, maybe in some planned structured way. I think a routine of Moomin showing me his homework before and after would be nice.

I’m so proud of Moomin. I wonder if I tell him that enough. And that it’s not based on any specific thing, but just how much I love him.

Halloween Party

Tagged , , , | 5 Comments

Playground meltdowns and social storms

Hey, if you’re curious, go take a look at my story for “Can I Sit With You” on my friend’s blog about social life in elementary school.

The site is still taking submissions! We all have stories to tell about friendship, love, angst and betrayal, even if we haven’t gotten to middle school yet. So far, many of the stories are intense, and I think are a good reminder for parents and other adults that kids’ emotions run high. It is also maybe a reassurance to kids who will read the blog or the upcoming book, that it’s okay for them to take their own friendships and emotions seriously. NOt that they don’t, but it is pretty annoying to be in mid best-friend-breakup when you’re 9 years old, and have everyone act like you’ll forget it in no time, or like you’re being a baby for making a big deal about it. Social relationships are always a big deal for us humans and near-humans…

My story is called The Sex Change of Zyax II. It’s about me in 5th grade, and it’s completely true.

Cheryl wore suede ankle boots. Her mom’s boyfriend took them on ski vacations. Cheryl said that reading was gay, and that I should be named Liz the Lez. To escape her, I went out into the blazing sun of the sidewalk and the heat-shimmered parking lot. Other kids followed us out, hooting. I saw Jennifer’s face laughing at me in the crowd. She was chanting with them, “Liz the Lez, Liz the Lez.” Someone pointed out that I was about to cry. People were crowding around me, too close, like stampeding animals. I felt sweaty and scared and a little dizzy. Sounds all started to blend together, babbling nonsense sounds, waves or wind or a waterfall over rocks.

My favorite story on that blog so far is the story about the girls on the swings, Love Hurts, by Sarah Glover.

Mark Grady disfigured my back for life. Mark Grady. Even after thirty-odd years, the name still makes me cringe in agony. Mark Grady — a sadist, a scoundrel and a bully. I loved him. Desperately.

Fifth grade. For me boys were nothing but chimps with less fur. Dirty nails. Dirty necks. No redeemable qualities. Except for Mark Grady, curse his lanky, green-eyed soul.

It all started innocently in Mrs. Cotoia’s class.

“Should men learn how to cook and clean?” she asked. Mrs. Cotoia was a feminist. She wore cool bell bottoms and hoop earrings. She looked like she should have a theme song.

We wide-eyed girls nodded rapidly.

It’s all about the angst, people! If we had happy social moments, we’re just NOT TELLING.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | Comments Off on Playground meltdowns and social storms

Flash drives and acorns

For weeks Moomin has been collecting acorns at recess, squirreling them away in his backpack, and bringing them home as treasure. They show up in the laundry and in the kitchen and in his bed. I’ve been so sick this week that I’ve barely spoken to him, but last night he came up to me and said, “Hey mom. Want to see how many acorns I have? I could count them!” Of course I wanted to see him gloat over his dragon hoard. He brought them out and counted them out one by one. I mildly suggested groups of ten, and he immediately got the point. “Do you think cracked ones should count?” “Hmmm what do you think?” “Probably not so much.” So they were set aside. I was impressed with his grouping and counting and grasp of multiplication. Then it was like a bolt of lightning struck him. “HEY! I have an IDEA! What if this was a ChoreWars Adventure! And each acorn could be an experience point!” I assented.

Next time I will suggest we count the acorns in groups of 9. They are doing the 9 tables in multiplication!

A bit later on, I asked to go through his schoolwork. He brought it all to me, and I went over his spelling and worksheets and signed all the forms that needed signing. (It was nice to participate again in something, again, I’ve been sick, busy, and travelling a lot lately, so Rook has been doing nearly all the parenting.)

Then out of the blue Moomin went, “So, I was thinking, do you have a flash drive?”

Other than the fact that he loves “I can has cheezburger” he is not the most computer literate of kids. Maybe that’s why it surprised me. I had no idea he knew what a flash drive was. “Sure, I think I have one around somewhere, how come?”

“Well, at school, sometimes I have files that I want to save.”

Oh frabjous day!

I gave him some little 128MB drive I had lying around, that was conference schwag. For once, Tech-Conference-Going-Mom is useful!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | 11 Comments

An extra sweet smile

At Squid‘s house today, Leelo smiled at me a lot. Maybe he likes my silly hair? He also walked up and sat down next to me several times — and once he asked for my bracelets very clearly. I gave him all the bracelets!

I haven’t been around Leelo very much lately because I’ve been working so much and spending time in San Francisco. He seemed so much easier to understand than he used to be. It really hits me hard after I haven’t seen him for a while, to be remembered and liked by him when he has such difficulties communicating and being understood.

His eye contact was great! And his facial expressions like smiling or looking displeased or angry, were very clear! I’m not sure what’s more amazing, all that smiling — social smiling not just “pleased” smiling — or the way I could understand his language so much better than I used to. When he said “I want a bracelet please” I nearly fell over. He also asked me to go inside, if he could have some water, and if I would go with him on the teeter-totter.

It was great watching him and Moomin and India on the trampoline. Moomin was super happy to get to bounce without anyone playing rough. Leelo seems to like peacefulness and relative calm as well, and India just had a great time copying everything Moomin and Leelo did.

Anyway, I just thought I’d say. It feels extra great to me, when he smiles and gives me a gentle pat on the elbow. It’s such a bad-auntie perk that I never have to make him do anything he doesn’t want to do, and don’t have to drill him in speech or school things or using the toilet or get him dressed – I just get the nice bits of playing with him and getting to spoil him a little.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | 1 Comment

Keeping that school campus "safe"

Imagine getting a call about your daughter at high school – but it’s not from the school, it’s from your kid’s friend. Your daughter has been arrested and injured in the process. You go to the school but no one tells you anything and they can’t tell you where your daughter is. What would you do?

I’d flip out! I would be on the phone with lawyers so fast… but probably I’d lose my cool and start yelling. It looks like that is what happened to Pleajhai Mervin’s mom Latrishia Majors. And Latrishia spent the night in jail over it.

You can watch this video of a security guard Chris Niemeyer breaking this girl’s wrist, calling her nappy headed, and then tackling the other kid who was filming, and throwing him to the ground. Some other kid with a cell phone snapped the photo of the video-ing kid getting taken down.

It is horrible, especially that Pleajhai (whose arm got broken) was then expelled and charged with crimes – of “battering” the guard and of littering!

The guard himself has not been charged with assault, as he should be, and not even fired. He should be the one spending time in jail right now. Not Pleajhai’s mom!

You can also see other adults standing around letting this happen, in the video. They should be fired too. They didn’t protect the students from violence and apparently didn’t even try.

While they’re at it fire the principal for giving such a lame response to the whole incident. You can call her if you like – the phone number is on the web site for Knight High School in Palmdale: (661) 533-9000 â–ª Fax: (661) 533-0111.

And here’s the school district’s contact information: Phone: (661)948-7655 Fax: (661) 726-0673.

Instead of acting, and giving straight answers and an apology, the principal Susan McDougal (not “McDonald” as in the ABC article) talks about keeping students safe. What a lame apology. I guess that guard kept them safe! I guess it keeps all the students at this school “safe” for some thuggish rent-a-cop to throw 14 year olds on the ground because they maybe didn’t clean up well enough after a birthday party food fight!

In an even more shocking development the security guards later had the mother of the girl arrested after she sought out an attorney and demanded that the guard be arrested, telling her that if she wanted the guard detained then she herself would also be charged with battery after she allegedly pushed the guard and an assistant principal of the school. She has also been suspended from her job at another school in the county.

The school expelled Pleajhai for five days before then having her arrested for battery and for littering (the dropping of the cake). Then they had the pupil who captured the video arrested along with his sister who was merely present at the scene.

A walkout is planned for this morning by some students, after which the protesters will call for the firing of the main security guard involved.

The good part, the really heartening part of this story, is the way the kids stood up for each other. Josh Lockett, the 14 year old kid who videotaped, was brave and very very right and smart to take that video. I admire that! And his big sister, Kenngela Lockett, jumped in to defend him when he got thrown to the ground by that racist, scary thug of a “security guard”. She’s brave as hell and I want her on my team.

Also I agree with Francis L. Holland, who says:

I certainly am glad for the AfroSpear’s “Freedom Technology Christmas,” because if a friend of Pleajhai, also arrested, didn’t have a cell-phone with a camera in it at the time, then we wouldn’t have this photograph that proves the brutality that occurred. This AfroSpear blogger encourages Black children everywhere to buy computers and digital cameras for their children, so that their children can document their lives, create blogs and communicate with others about the reality of Black life in the United States of America.

I don’t care who started it, or the kids were out of hand, or what (if anything) Pleajhai said to the guard. That guard is a dangerous and violent criminal who attacks children. And the school and the district should answer for that properly rather than scrambling to cover their asses.

Good for Pleajhai and her mom for speaking up on video, and cheers to the parents and students who are protesting at the school district, planning walkouts, and holding community meetings.

I told my son this story and will show him the video. Moomin stood up, put his hands on his hips, and said, “I think everyone should tell that guy’s boss that he was wrong, and to fire him. Also, I wish I had a remote control that would make TV hero characters come to life and obey my commands.” I’m glad he is just as outraged as I am and I think it’s important to tell little kids these stories about what happens in our country. I emphasized to Moomin how brave the kids were to defend each other, and how smart they were to take the video so they could prove what happened.

Technorati Tags: , , ,

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | 4 Comments

Housework Raiders in the Lost Maze of Time


dungeon
Originally uploaded by Liz Henry

Once upon a time in a castle far away, a party of adventurers did the housework. OH YES. Someone has made a fabulous online game, Chorewars, which functions as a sort of to-do list or chore wheel.

I created a character in about a minute, giving myself a goofy name, Zil-rah. I named our party of adventurers “Raiders of the Lost Maze of Time”. Then, as Dungeonmaster, I created “adventures”, also with silly high-fantasy-ishnames, defining the chores. Other people in my party can claim adventures (or one-time Quests), and earn experience points, gold pieces, treasure — and fight wandering monsters.

Draining the moat
Task: Drain the water out of the hot tub. Scrub it out and refill it.
Gold: between 30 and 60 gold pieces
Treasure: 50% chance of treasure (a potion of waterbreathing,a vial of starlight,+1 boots of water walking)
Monsters: 50% chance of a wandering monster (a kraken,bloodthirsty sharks)

After I set up a couple of adventures I IM-ed Rook excitedly. We got into a discussion of how many xp one should get for doing the dishes, vs., say, doing laundry. So the idea of weighting household tasks became a question of game design! That in itself felt productive, and made it more interesting to consider the housework at all. What stats does laundry exercise, vs. dishes or tidying or paying the bills? What about cooking? It’s important, you see… because when you accumulate 200 xp, you go up a level, and based on what adventures you’ve completed, and the stats they use, you might completely change character class (which is based on your stats.)

GEEK OUT! It was fantastic.

I realized in designing the adventures that it’s important to outline the depth of its tasks. So, there’s doing the dishes, and then there’s cleaning up the whole rest of the kitchen. There’s cooking at the campfire, which is just making a nice snack, dinner, or lunch for at least one other person; then there’s preparing a feast, which means doing anything more complex than putting the microwave dinner on a plate and adding some carrots as a side dish. You get way more xp for preparing a feast, of course.

Soooo the funny thing is that after I sat there doing this for a bit, I started to feel like I wanted to do the laundry so that I could check off a task and get some xp… just to see how the system worked… As I was folding the laundry, I had several impulses (as always) to flake out and not to turn things right side out, to throw them on top of the bed or the dresser, and leave things half-finished. But then I thought “No! That would be *cheating* and I couldn’t rightly claim the adventure as complete!”

When Moomin made his character he got even more excited than I thought he would. The whole house was clean, but he went on the Quest for the Holy Grail anyway — looking through the whole house to bring cups and dishes and soda cans back to the kitchen. I also counted his quick cleanup of his room this morning. He battled a giant turtle, lost, but still got the 30 gold pieces and the xp. Since he helped me fold laundry, he got a sparkling jewel, more xp, and more gold.

I think this is going to ROCK…

It would make sense for the ChoreWars developers to add more social features. I’d like to be able to browse other people’s public adventures, clone and change them, as you can in Ning applications or with Yahoo Pipes. If I make a huge, funny treasure list with a cleaning-the-kitchen theme, I’d like to share it. It would be handy to take other people’s chore adventures too, if they’re well-defined. Whole systems of chore-balancing might also be very interesting to look at.

I was reminded strongly of the scene in a Mrs. PIggle-Wiggle story where she makes a game out of making the beds, and the cruel queen comes in to test how well it’s made. Chore Wars adds not just the dimension of let’s pretend & imagination — it tracks stats and points and introduces concepts of game design! The record-keeping is important; it’s the satisfaction of entering your initials in the high score slot… the pointless advancement of levelling, like in MUDs… and the accumulation of nifty-sounding treasure in your inventory.

The “stackable” treasure is a nice touch. I designed laundry to have a 100% probability of getting a sparkling jewel or some other treasure, and made that treasure stackable, which means I can collect as many as I can. And you can “use” treasure/equipment, and spend gold pieces. This makes it possible to create many different voucher systems. In other words, I could in the real world declare that 100 sparkling jewels (in other words 100 loads of laundry done) mean that the intrepid conquerer of Garments gets some real-world treat.

Games are very motivating on their own, but the voucher system introduces tons of great possibilities!

It’s great that characters and parties can be viewed by the public, or kept private. There’s an RSS feed available for parties as well. You can click on a character’s chores completed to see details. I’d love to be able to share the complete list of adventures.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | 9 Comments